YouTude Session 1: The Birth of Attitude (11/2/14)
(Sorry for the poor image quality. Had some issues with the studio camera and had to switch to the webcam at the last minute.)
Here it is, the session that has everyone thinking like never before. It’s YouTude, the Birth of Attitude. In this session we ask do you have an attitude, how did you get it, is it serving you and how can you change it? We also share the four ways to change a bad attitude.
The other episodes in the YouTude series can be found here.
BIG Life Mentoring
November 2, 2014
YouTude: The Birth of Attitude
Do you have one?
How did you get it?
Is it serving you?
How can you change it?
DO YOU HAVE ONE?
No. You don’t have one. You have thousands! You have an attitude about everyone and everything in your life. Your husband, kids, house, work, neighbors, running, water, pizza, soda, chocolate, in-laws, mornings, sex, laundry, dishes, yourself. You can never get away from all your attitudes. They are affecting every relationship, every morning, every chore, every day.
I will ask a question and come back to it later. Is it possible for two people to have two totally different attitudes about the same thing? Is it possible their difference in attitudes could be the separating factor between one’s success and the other’s failure? One’s happiness and the other’s misery?
Just let that marinate.
HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Experts say an attitude is born when an opinion is endorsed by an emotion.
Example: You have an attitude about coffee. So do I. As a little girl my mom always complained how my dad’s coffee would stink up the house. She hated coffee. She influenced my opinion. Opinion is part one of forming an attitude. Now for the emotion.
At about 10 years old my Daddy talked me into taking a sip of his coffee. But, instead of a sip, I took a gulp of his scaling hot coffee. I choked and gagged and spit it everywhere. I also got in trouble. Hello emotion.
My influenced bad option paired with a negative emotion created my attitude toward coffee. To this day, I simply don’t like it. The very same thing that many of you refer to as “the nectar from the Gods” is repulsive to me. I have a bad attitude about coffee because my opinion was endorsed by an emotion.
An attitude is a learned tendency to evaluate things in a certain way. Our attitudes are influenced by:
Taught (the way we were raised)
Think about it, if you were abandoned by your father, neglected or abused by a father figure, you have a natural, negative, untrusting attitude towards men. Or at least you did at one time. Perhaps your attitude changed. How did that happen? More on that in a bit.
IS IT SERVING YOU?
Is your attitude toward exercise serving you? Some view exercise as a privilege and a rewarding “me time” and others see exercise as a grueling punishment. Back to that question: Is it possible for two people to have two totally different attitudes about the same thing? Could their difference in attitude be affecting their success and happiness? What’s your attitude about exercise and is it really serving you?
What if you became aware of every attitude you have throughout the day and asked if that attitude is serving you?
The truth is most of us have a few attitudes that are NOT serving us. In fact, they’re stealing our joy, stalling our progress, stirring up crap in our lives, and making our families miserable. But you’ve lived with these attitudes all your life and you don’t even recognize the effects they’re having on you.
I have 3 teenagers in my house and this Mama now knows every extreme of attitude. I see my son work his tail off at practice every day for 3 hours without a single complaint while other boys are whining and faking injuries. Why? Because of his ATTITUDE toward practice. He believes it will make him stronger and better. His attitude about practice is serving him. Others may have more talent, but he’s the starter because of his attitude at practice.
My amazing teenage son also has an attitude about his bedroom. It’s a freakin’ disaster area and his attitude is “I’ll do something about this mess later.” He genuinely INTENDS to do it later. Funny thing is, later never comes, does it?
Is his attitude about his bedroom serving him? No. What could be a 5 minute chore every morning turns into punishments, restrictions and mama hot on his tail.
How’s your attitude toward your bedroom? Is it the catch-all or your sanctuary? Is that attitude serving you?
How’s your attitude toward mornings? What’s your first thought when the alarm rings? “Oh crap … another day!” Or “Thank you God … another day!” Or maybe the alarm is greeted with an attitude of “Not already!!!!”
Is your attitude toward mornings serving you? Is it making your life easier? Is it making you happy? Is it making you a joy to be around or a misery to be around? Is it possible that your attitude toward mornings could be stalling your BIG Life growth?
I’ve been following the journey of our fellow BIG Life girl, Malinda York. Malinda is our Attitude Case Study for this week. Malinda has always hated mornings. In fact she admits every time I talk about breaking up with Mr. Snooze Button, she cringes. I say, “When the alarm rings, let your feet hit the floor before your mind catches on. Don’t think, just get up.” Malinda says, “But Pamela, it’s not that easy for all of us. I can’t wake up early. I’ve tried, it doesn’t work for me. I take medicine at night and I just hate mornings.”
You see, Malinda had a bad attitude about mornings. And the funny thing is, life will provide all the proof you need to support your attitude. “Seek and you shall find” the Bible says. Oh yes, your attitude is always seeking proof to support it, and it always finds it.
Was Malinda’s attitude about mornings serving her? Her alarm was set for 6 am. She would hit snooze until 6:30 or 6:40. She had no time for breakfast, always in a frenzy to get out the door, and still half asleep when arriving to work. I would say her attitude toward mornings was definitely not serving her. But she’s just not a morning person … maybe you’re not either, so what can you do? What did Malinda do? She changed her attitude about mornings.
You must realize your attitude is affecting your behavior – good or bad. Positive or negative. Your attitude is helping bring peace into your home, or bringing chaos. Mamas, that means you. Daddies, you. Kids, you. Your attitude is affecting your behavior and everyone around you.
HOW CAN YOU CHANGE IT?
Attitudes can be changed. Any and every attitude can be changed, and that means any and all behaviors can be improved.
Even attitudes about mornings. A bad attitude about mornings creates some crappy behaviors such as pounding that snooze button, creating a disaster in your closet and bathroom as you rush to get ready, being grouchy to your poor innocent family, and showing up for work in a tizzy half-dressed and half awake. All are a result of a bad attitude toward mornings. (Not to mention skipping workouts and eating pop tarts in the car. Oh crap … who am I talking to?)
Our case study, remember our snooze loving, resident morning grouch with every excuse why she could never wake up early – well she now gets up on the first ring of the alarm. And she even moved up her alarm time to 5:45! She has time to eat breakfast, put on a load of laundry, and have sex (in no particular order). Her husband says it’s nothing short of a miracle.
Malinda changed her attitude about morning and her behaviors changed as well.
So now, what you’re all wondering, how did she do it? How did she change her attitude?
YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE IN FOUR WAYS
Become aware of your attitudes. Recognize you truly have an attitude about everything and everyone. Some of your attitudes are serving you and some are not. Simply become AWARE.
A key to spotting a potential negative attitude in yourself is to listen to yourself. “I hate mornings. I hate running. I hate laundry. I don’t like grocery shopping. I hate my butt.” (Oh don’t even get me started on your attitude about yourself. Rest assured that is coming this month.)
Anytime you say “I hate” or “I dread” or “I don’t like”, you are highlighting a negative attitude you harbor within. Be aware of it. Remember, Malinda hated mornings. It was an attitude that wasn’t serving her.
Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Your environment is largely responsible for many of your attitudes. Change who you hang out with and you will naturally experience a change in attitude.
In mentoring, Malinda was suddenly submerged into this world of freaks who not only get up early every morning, but freaks who WANT to get up early. And it challenged her. We had something she wanted. Being in the right environment challenged her old attitude.
The people I spend the most time with on a daily basis are my husband (yes, we work side by side and manage not to kill each other) and the 7 members of our leadership team (aka Big Mamas). These 8 people have the greatest influence on me. That’s why I have hand selected them. They make me better as part of my environment and have helped improve my attitude.
Attitudes are contagious! Surround yourself with the right people with the right attitudes and your life will improve. Unfortunately the opposite is also true.
I realize we all have those negative people in our life that we can’t just avoid. You live with them or work with them. I understand. So here’s what you must do: Intentionally increase the positive influences in your life. The person with the good attitude about work, move in close to her. Start the conversation. The person with the attitude about fitness that you want, make them your new best friend. Out number and over power the negative attitudes you can’t get away from. Some of us need to radically change our friend pool, because their attitude is contagious and you don’t want to catch it. Girl, you need some of my friends. I share.
Sometimes to change your attitude about something or someone, you must CREATE a new experience.
Back to our morning hating case study, Malinda, turned early morning riser, breakfast eating, laundry washing, sex having, girl up every morning before the sun. She changed her attitude bout mornings by creating new experiences.
Her parents bought her a Keurig for her birthday. And unlike me, Malinda loves coffee. When the alarm rang on that first morning, she was excited to have her cup of coffee, so she popped out of bed. Yes, something as simple as a new coffee pot began creating a new experience for our morning grouch and eventually a new attitude. She not only wakes up to her Keurig, but she makes her hubby a cup of coffee and serves him in bed. Hello NEW EXPERIENCE!
I am personally creating a new experience for an area where I have a bad attitude. This past week, I caught myself saying over and over “I hate winter. I hate cold weather.” Yes, just in time for our first 20 degree morning. I have a bad attitude about cold weather. And you know what, it’s not serving me. It’s making me miserable. I now live in the mid-west, winter is coming whether I’m happy about it or not.
I look around at my environment (circle of friends) and I see my friend Julia Horton from Alaska who loves winter. Loves snow. Can’t wait to make the season’s first snow angel. She has a good attitude about cold weather, and I want it.
So, the past 2 mornings I’ve been creating new positive experiences in the cold. I’ve gotten up early, bundled up and run in beautiful places around the lake where the steam is rising up off the water. And I loved it. Was I cold? Sure in the beginning. But it was beautiful. Beauty I had been missing with my former bad attitude.
What have you been guilty of saying “I hate”, and how could you create a new experience? Is a new coffeepot or winter headband worth a new, good attitude? I think so!
Pray a prayer of willingness to see things differently. That’s true surrender. So you hate mornings. Or you hate winter. You hate laundry, running, in-laws, your boss, your commute, your butt, thighs or hair. Pray a prayer of willingness to see it differently. Ask God to partner with you in changing your attitude.
Be specific. Bring that particular relationship or situation to God and tell Him you are now willing to see it differently, will He help you change your attitude. Hmmm … never thought of that before, huh? If you’re not willing to pray a prayer of willingness to change, you’re not ready and your attitude will not change.
The truth is, with our new awareness of our attitudes with everything and everyone, and the truth that some of those attitudes are not serving us, we will cling to them because they are familiar. We fight change. Our old attitudes begin throwing out every excuse why you can’t change. Remember, Malinda could not wake up early. It would never be easy for her. She takes medicine at night. Well, where are those excuse at 5:45 every morning as she’s sipping her coffee and serving her hubby?
You will find a million and one excuses this week as you become aware of your attitudes – and they’re just that … EXCUSES. Crappy reasons why you can’t change. You have the power to obey the excuses or crush ‘em. I vote crush ‘em!
But this week, all you have to do is practice being AWARE of your attitudes. Continually ask yourself “Attitude Check.” Listen to your conversations for when you are saying “I hate …” Throughout the week I will text you a random “Attitude Check” and I hope you can reply “BIG Life.” If not, become aware of your attitude and begin shifting it.
Awareness is step one of having that BIG Life attitude!