Do you ever feel like most everyone else has their crap together, and for the life of you, your crap refuses to be anything but scattered? Are you pretty sure that deep down you’re not good enough, you don’t have what it takes, and you will never be qualified for anything better in life?

Gosh, sometimes our insecurities run deep, don’t they? We have wounds and just when we think those wounds are healing, the enemy comes along and picks at them with reminders of our shortcomings.

Can I just say, hey me too. It happens to all of us. None of us are immune to thoughts of not being good enough. None of us are exempt from taunting reminders of the past that threaten to halt our steps today.

I didn’t grow up in Church. We had a Bible in our house, but it was the kind that laid on the coffee table as decoration. One Sunday when I was in about 5th grade, our family put on our best clothes and we went to the local Baptist Church in town. I was beyond excited to go! I was so thankful to find a few of my friends from school sitting on the second row, so I left my family and sat with them. They were dressed better than me. They clearly knew when to stand up and sit down, close their eyes or clap. I was trying my best to follow along and fit in.

A woman stood in front of a table with all these bells on it. Big bells and little bells. Brass bells and silver bells. All different making a different sound. She played an entire song ringing these bells. The moment she sat the last bell down, I erupted in applause, assuming that’s what we were supposed to do, only to find no one else was clapping. It was a time of reverence.

My friends laughed at me. I sank down in my seat and right then and there, I began to feel I wasn’t good enough for God.

Next, the youth group was called to the front of the church with their bibles. I looked around and noticed all my friends in their fancy dresses also had fancy bibles with their names engraved on the front in gold foil. I didn’t have one of those. They each grabbed their fancy bibles and went to the stage, and I sat there alone with no one and nothing.

It was their Bible Competition, and everyone sitting in the pews was supposed to participate with them. So I grabbed a bible from the pew in front of me, and I sat ready. If I opened it real quick, no one would know it didn’t have my name on it. Just then a woman called out some big word followed by specific numbers and shouted “GO”, then my friends on stage frantically flipped through their bibles and yelled “got it”.

Wait what? What just happened?

Then it happened again. The woman was using big words like Thessalonians, Colossians, and Ephesians and clearly this meant something to everyone else because within seconds my friends were competitively opening their huge bible to specific pages and declaring they had it.

But I didn’t have it. Not at all. I sat there holding this strange book in my hand, unsure of what just happened, but quite certain I wasn’t good enough for whatever it was. I don’t remember a single thing that happened the rest of the service. I just knew I didn’t belong.

The next week when my family considered going back to Church, I voted no. I didn’t want to show up wearing the same dress because it was my only dress. I didn’t want to clap at the wrong time. I didn’t want to be shamed again because I didn’t know where to find 2 Corinthians. So, we didn’t go. We never went back.

This was the beginning of a wound. A wound you will never see, but I assure you it’s on the inside of me. A wound that tells me I’m not good enough for God. A feeling of inadequacy. An insecurity that’s simply never gone away. But you wouldn’t know that about me, now would you? You wouldn’t know I would want to quickly excuse myself from any group discussing scriptures. You wouldn’t know I forever question myself on my ability to speak to the Almighty, and hear from the Almighty.


And this is what God asked me to talk to you about today. The fact that you sometimes think you’re not good enough for him. The fact that you question if God would ever choose you.

God never asked you to jump through a series of hoops to get to him. Jesus made it real simple. No more sacrifices. No more ark to be carried around. No more rituals. No more sacred curtain only the chosen few could enter. Through his blood, you have been declared righteous. Through his sacrifice, you have been made whole. All that’s left for us to do is believe and receive.

When we believe what Christ did and receive it for ourselves, then we are declared worthy of a personal relationship with God. He doesn’t qualify us by the dress we show up wearing. He doesn’t create some kind of system where you clap here and don’t clap there, and if you get it wrong, you’re out. And I assure you he doesn’t hold competitions on who can find a scripture first.

My Sister, drop that insecurity. The enemy has been poking at that wound long enough. You are God’s girl, and Satan doesn’t get to play here!

This isn’t a competition. We’re not competing for a title or a seat. God wants me and you both, and he says we are each his chosen, precious, and prized girls.

For many years I felt God prompting me to do more with my life and my response was always, “yeah, I’ll do that when I’m better at it.” But sister, God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called. He takes your insecurities and covers them with grace. He overcomes your weakness with his strength. He pours out his power in every area of your life you’re willing to offer as a vessel to him.

So, why are you holding back? Why are you dismissing yourself? What competition have you declared yourself not good enough for? Because here’s the message God gave me so clearly this morning, THIS ISN’T A COMPETITION ANY WAY!

Who cares if you know where Nehemiah is in your bible. Let me tell you what I know … I know where the Google is and I ain’t afraid to use it!

The next time you’re flexing and tempted to show off your spiritual awesomeness, remember there just might be someone watching you looking for every reason they’re not good enough for God. Oh Lord, don’t let it be us that makes them feel that way. Don’t let it be us that turns your word, your grace, your goodness, your mercy into some form of competition.

Let us be humble enough to say, “I’m not sure, but let’s sit down and Google this together!” Who are you trying to impress, Sis? Remember as we strive to impress, we are certainly affirming the fear within someone else that they’re not good enough.

Jesus tells a story in Matthew 20 called ‘The Parable of the Vineyard Workers’.

“For the Kingdom of Heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay the normal daily wage and sent them out to work.

“At nine o’clock in the morning he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever was right at the end of the day. So they went to work in the vineyard. At noon and again at three o’clock he did the same thing.

“At five o’clock that afternoon he was in town again and saw some more people standing around. He asked them, ‘Why haven’t you been working today?’

“They replied, ‘Because no one hired us.’

“The landowner told them, ‘Then go out and join the others in my vineyard.’

“That evening he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those hired at five o’clock were paid, each received a full day’s wage. When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they, too, were paid a day’s wage. When they received their pay, they protested to the owner, ‘Those people worked only one hour, and yet you’ve paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat.’

“He answered one of them, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair! Didn’t you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay this last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’

“So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.”

(And I assure you, I had to look that up. How? Using the Google! I’m not better than you!)

So, what does this parable mean? This means honey, this isn’t a competition. God offers you eternal life, and he offers me eternal life. It doesn’t matter if I have to Google to find a scripture and you can flip right to it in your fancy bible with your name in gold foil on the cover. The first will be last and the last will be first. He views me and you the same. We are both fully redeemed, totally loved, and set apart to do his good works.

Remember the thief on the cross hanging next to Jesus? In his final breaths of life he asks Jesus to remember him in Heaven, and Jesus replied in Luke 23:43 “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.” It didn’t matter that his whole life he had been wrong. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t followed the rules or memorized scripture. All that mattered is he recognized who Jesus was. His reward … paradise. Eternity in Heaven.

It’s not a competition.

Whatever has made you feel less than or counted out, dismissed or disqualified, THAT IS NOT FROM GOD. Jesus had no qualifying factors for this convicted criminal hanging on the cross. He was last in life, now he will be first in paradise. He may not have done a single other thing right in his lifetime, but he accepted Christ, so he was qualified. Jesus said, “YOU’RE IN!”

To all my sisters who have ever felt like they were out, I pray you hear it loud and clear today, YOU’RE IN!

You with your crap that refuses to be anything but scattered …
You with your good intentions that you struggle so hard to follow through with …
You with your desire to know more but your seemingly limited capacity to really get it …
You with your Bible that maybe hasn’t been opened in a really long time, and if you did open it, you wouldn’t know where to go first …
You with a long list of mistakes and not a lot you can feel proud of …
You with a deep wound that says you will never be good enough for God …

Hear him say it now … Honey, you are in!

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